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defend yourself

parental advise

Posted on 2010.08.13 at 05:11
and I would tell my boys- Follow your heart when it comes to your hobbies, but not your life. My heart led me and I lost my ability to choose the directions my life would take. Stay the course, tow the line. Let your freedoms run in your free time only- or you will end up like me. Optionless and desperate

defend yourself

brain trust

Posted on 2010.06.25 at 12:14
 My Andrew has Asperger's Syndrome. I do not tolerate inappropriate behavior in him. At his school, I see all kinds of future Columbiners getting away with hitting, spitting, throwing who are undisciplined with the "they're special, they don't know any better" defense. Given the connection of autism spectrum disorders with schizophrenia, I am all over making sure he knows what's ok. I understand mental illness  as a life long struggle. I will not poo-poo those who have one. I will not let them get away with things just because. I believe being a card carrying lunatic is no excuse for dangerous behavior for the person who is unconfined because those meds (and therapies) keeps them 'safe'. (an overly simplified descriptor. Please forgive it)


defend yourself

Career Quest

Posted on 2010.05.12 at 08:21
After my four years in fashion history, I know that I am a historian at my core. I am less about facts and dates and  more about the everyday life- how people ate, dressed, amused themselves, and who they were at their core.
To find out how Civil War era women dressed,  I researched the commerce of the area to know what fabrics were available in what proportions to make logical decisions on making my garb to volunteer at the local museum. This is very satisfying.

I am seeking a career change that continues this path. I intend to pursue employ in historical preservation and conservation either in Cobb County, State of Georgia, or even a federal level. I have worked in furniture and home accessories and loved every minute of it. I want to grow my part to the whole house, to a facility, to a historic park- 
The idea of cataloging an old cemetery has an appeal.   Not for the dead people, but to have a record of dates, places, and of the workmanship of the craving of the stones.
I enjoy teaching heritage artisan skills.
I enjoy being outside, describing the whats of what's there.

I need help on achieving this. I have done the first logical thing and volunteer with Cobb Landmarks and Historical Society.
I have looked into local cultural research consultancies and into taking a few classes in conservation and  archeology.
I am collecting books and saving up documents I find on the laws governing conservation in Georgia. Now I need to know which door to put my foot through to travel this path.

(Katy- this is just my first run of thoughts. The more I read it, the more streamlined. Gotta go docent now)

defend yourself

change of tack

Posted on 2010.02.17 at 09:09
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Here is where I vent, so it is not as true here what is true elsewhere-
Letters of recommendation, poetry, class notes, correspondence, my own private stuff on paper I never ever show anyone (which is most of my writing) -   I feel good when I write. I'm happy after I write. When I rant and blow off here, there is at the very least, release. I cannot lie when I write, even fiction. I'll rework a few lines over and over until they feel 'honest'.

I really should finish at least one of the 3 novels that I started. I feel weird about writing now. There are a bazillion excuses of other things to do instead of taking the chance on this. I don't understand- and I see it with so many people -why when what you want is right there, and we don't just reach out. Likely, it's because that "What" is so dear to our hearts, it would be so painful to not get it, or even worse- find out you suck at it after investing time and effort. Even less understood, is not noticing that you - and by that, I mean "I"- are making those excuses sometimes. Ok, most of the time.

Arin has been reminding me of my own axioms. He uses them when talking to others who need encouragement - from bummer days to the run away, full of mistakes, crying man at the gate of the monastery who needed someone to tell him that yes, he can be forgiven and go home again. If I am being quoted in that circumstance, I just might have something to say underneath it all.
I have no genre. I write, I doodle, and drape words and rhymes like fabric. I compose in my mind when we go out cruising.  I gaze out the window describing the colors of rooftops as if I were reading a book.
It would be nice to write more about my days in a positive way- to write more often about my processes of researching and working a garment (and not for the notice of Laurals, but for myself), continue with my fencing class notes (and not for the notice of fighters, but for myself), to write about the woman who comforted me in the bathroom on the anniversary of Dad's burial and the parallels to the stranger  from the day I lost him. I might cry a lot less often if I can get these things down again. It's worth a shot.

Now where the most effective place to do that? What is the best blog site where I can sort by genre, esp since I'm not really sure what I'll end up with when I start. *shades of that portfolio site I have sketched out on this memo pad here: boxes for "clothing/fabric, artwork and writing" with drop downs that further subdivide each of those* How to do that? I have friends who say they can do it, I tell them exactly what I want and they never speak of it again. Weird. I occasionally look at site building sites (?) but I haven't learned enough yet to make it happen. Still picking at it here and there. I had a third person in 2 months offer to consign my artwork- time to listen. Especially since I don't remember telling at least one of them that I had any artwork. I already have 27 years worth of work and writing. It all needs a proverbial spit polish, but it's there. And I'm off topic and rambling. I give myself permission to do that here. It's my brainstorm place. That's what brainstorms are supposed to do- wonder like tornadoes. I trust my friends' advise here also.
It seems to be a life theme for me to figure out- the in between. I know what I have to work with. I know where I would like to end up. Now I have to learn how to fashion a bridge of some sort..........hmmmm. I world of unending options can be a tough one. That's why God gave us Google. Now that I spent time and effort on this entry, I am not as daunted by that search for web site construction as I was when I started 45 minutes ago. (Good golly, I hope I can form my thoughts faster with more practice :-) ) Or maybe I can skip the web site and find a more better blog set up. One with a space for a million pics and a million words. And free. It'll come.
I would continue doing the things I love for all the same and some new reasons. I would be vocal as to why and how.
Everything is there if you are willing to look for it.
The worst that can happen is it can disastrous-

defend yourself

riddle me this, Batman

Posted on 2010.01.21 at 11:28
As I have been going on for quite some time now, I am looking for  a job. The fact that I do not have a degree beyond an AA in Studio Art nor have I gotten a W-2 in many years has me declined before I can open my mouth. I need some advice on how to put my skills and strengths into the most helpful terms in this situation. I need esp my oldest friends-

"I am not a well schooled woman. I have learned my lessons from experience and mistakes and the heat of battle. If ever there was a shining alumnus from the school of hard knocks, it is I. My diploma can be found painted in black and  blue at points of varying interest from head to toe." Life Lessons from Xena, Warrior Princess by Chris Kreski

Some of these things I didn't know I learned until I was thinking about all this in the last few days-

Corning Summer Theater and Hill's shoe department
- The time spent in organization of supplies and equipment - and the return of said equipment to it's proper place- saves hours in productivity later.
CST- Your task my seem insignificant, but what you don't realize is it may be saving the company a couple hundred dollars in the end (that is a significant amount to a summer theater)
Hill's - Efficiency makes customers very happy, esp when "I'll be right back" is, in retail world time, mere moments.

Super Saturday - When leading a group, have a plan. When there is a time slot, over plan. It is better to run out of time than material to cover.
Riding my bike to a "job" makes me happier to be there.

Photo labs- from basic machine operator to manger- It is amazing how much you can accomplish in a minutes and a half, esp when you apply the first thing I learned. My opinion of the subject matter is not always the same as the customer. It is their decision what is important and /or beautiful that is priority. I learned how to put my personal feelings to the side and do my best to make the ugliest and painful images of the best quality i.e. so child abuse victims could receive justice and safety.

Theater in general: I learned how to multi faceted so the project can be done when it needs to get done because Bread and Circuses really are necessary. On that, there are 10 000 people outside, half of which are drunk, who are going to be pissed if the concert doesn't start really soon. I learned that collective emotion is a tangible thing. I learned how to pick up the slack when others fail or fall. (poor Sean). Illusion is as useful a story telling devise as in your face objects. I learned that it is about storytelling. I learned how to get the cute leading guy to by me dinner without having to put out.  I learned that fresh college graduates think they are hot shit in a cold shower, generally have learned from books and controlled, fun circumstances and are best left to their own ego.  I have better things to do than be the one that takes them down that necessary notch. Like my job. Tone of voice, vocabulary, and emphasis can make or totally ruin the mood.

The Furniture Doctor
: I have learned to see things, not as they are, but for the potential they have. I have learned to apply this skill to people, too. Things are not always just things that can be replaced. There are objects that bear the mark and memory of someone loved. No matter size or shape, these things are to be treated with dignity and a careful respect. They hold a piece of soul in them. I stripped and prepped (sanded and minor repairs) hundreds of chairs and tables, doors, mouldings, pool tables, priceless museum pieces (Napoleon's Lap desk, his General's field desk, etc) picture frames, guitars, a MG Midget - the list goes on.
The most significant of our projects was a chuch fire - mostly water and smoke damage. We refinished all the pews and rails of the tiny church. It didn't take long before the whole congregation knew we came around 10 am on Monday mornings to swap out pews. (We took only 2 rows at a time. They only had only so many chairs to sub with) People would come to watch us work, to see their beloved chuch come alove again after something so scary to the small town. The look of revernce and gratutide in their eyes, on their faces could only be expressed with silence. We would file past them with the wounded pieces and bring the revived ones in.  They stood back out of the way unless they were holding the doors, just watching. It was humbling and uplifting and something else I have to words for to be a part of this project. Priveliged is the closest , but still no where near. I held onto that feeling. I pictured those faces, esp when any particular project was difficult or complicated. After reparing that church, I could not feel any less. (I think I might still feel all those people when I am in one.) It was not my place to determine the importance of things to other people. I was my place to revive wounded pieces. Things are not always just things when they bear the memory of someone loved.
I can't even to begin to figure out how to describe what I learned there. Any hand crafting skills seem insidental to this lesson.


my first marriage:
I learned to do everything one handed again. I learned that many other people will take their own pressure and fear about their own kids out on me. (I have yet to learn how to not take it personally in the moment. That will come with more practice.)  In the earliest with 3 in diapers, I learned that, though people my be well meaning and concerned, I'm on my own when the going gets tough, and I had better use what I learned in theater to get it done. I perfected my abilty to endure. I learned to do without and make do. I became the last one fed, clothed, and cleaned. No one was going to come to my rescue, so I had better figure it out.

In the end, I learned it is better to push the issue and risk ending up on the street with the clothes stripped off your back, than let the condition persist. That doesn't mean I can call on my fortitude to up to that lesson as often as I should.

From the SCA: I learned the tactics of siege warfare and that I had been living under that condidtion. I learned that one person in power can manipulte the situation any way they want to. Poilitics will see favoritism and wealth advanced, while those who have better intentions and work harder for their goals passed over.
I learned that hospitality and generosity has reward and comfort. As long as there are provisions, there is enough to share. As long as there is fuel, there is room at my fire. When that is you philosophy, good thgs appear.
Most importantly, I learned a few words from a complete stranger in the darkness can spin the blackest moment to a comforting gold. And, yes Virginia, that can blot out the aformentioned BS. My father died during MWAS a few years ago. I went back to the bunk house while most everyone else was at feast. I sat on my bed plainly expressing my grief in the dim quiet. I had two friends sitting with me, but it was an unseen stranger's voice, "My lady- I do not know your sorrow, but truely hope you soon find peace" that brought me a momentary strength. And I had a glimpse of understanding, though no words, of those faces back in the church 15 years earlier.  I try to remember her when the politics wears me down. I always do when I think of Dad. It's a good thing.

From Red Sword Company
: The family that you choose is thinker than any blood. I have learned to better lead. I have learned to deligate. In order to deligate, one has to teach people the way things need to be done. I have learned that my method is not always the best. I have learned when to insist it is and when to just give the parts and let the crew figure out if there is a better way.  I have learned how to assess personalities, work ethic and creative thought to match up crews to efficently get jobs done. I have learned to proiritize the load in of camp.

SPADA and fencing: I have learned to read my fencers' moods to see who needs to get their brain in "battle mode" and how to help them get there when the world has them distracted. Unfocused fencers hurt themselves and others. I have learned to watch movement and plays to see where errors and strengths are. I help the students use their strengths to understand their weaknesses. To compensate for a weakness denies it's existance and makes a hole in comprhension. Use their strengths to bridge that gap. It might not be a weakness after all- just as of yet unaccessible.

Linen Armor Merch Co: I hate owning my own business. There is too much for me to do to concentrate on doing any one part effectively. I have learned to research more effectively. The most obvious feature or point is not always the easiest way to get you answer. The enemy has very good maps of your lands too. While looking at painting and prints to find hsotical info, I have learned to use my mind's eye to take the image off the page to see it in 3-D. I use my art history lessons from school to understand thes paintings as works of art of the day. My knowledge of general history and anthropology have been broadened beyond timeline facts to the social-poilitical mood of the time period I'm researching. The further back you go, the more influence every aspect of society has on the other. If the baker is sick - no one has any bread.
I have learned to apply that accessing potential to fabrics of all kinds. I have learned that if I can't get myself to work start/continue work on any given project, I'm going about it the wrong way and to think about it differently. I have learned that skill applies to so many situations across the board. I ahve learned to see a finshed project and work it backawards in a sort of explosion diagram in my head until I can see where to begin, then work it backwards to the outside again.

motherhood: Humor is a better method of instruction. I have learned negotiation. I have learned that playing tag is agood thing. I have learned to be a better teacher because I need to break everything down to it's most basic parts.


axioms of mine:
Everything is easy once you know how.
What has happened is not as important as what you do about it.
Sure you can, you just don't know it yet.


There is more, but I ahve run out of steam and other priorites await.







defend yourself

The ok's

Posted on 2010.01.20 at 19:14
It is ok to really good at something and not enjoy it.
It is ok  to not do something you are good at, esp if you don't enjoy it.
It is ok to really enjoy something you are not so good at.
It is ok if third place is good enough for you.
It is ok to be good at something and want to hoard the joy of it.

Just because you are really good at something doesn't mean you are good at teaching it.
Just because you are not so good at doing something doesn't mean you are not a good teacher of it.

defend yourself

my pep talk for last night

Posted on 2010.01.17 at 19:08
It's My Job- Jimmy Buffett

In the middle of late last night I was sittin' on a curb
I didn't know what about, but I was feelin' quite disturbed
A street sweeper came whistlin' by, he was bouncin' every step
It seemed strange how good he felt, so I asked him while he swept

Chorus:
He said, "It's my job to be cleaning up this mess
And that's enough reason to go for me
It's my job to be better than the rest
And that makes a day for me."

I got an uncle who owns a bank, he's a self-made millionaire
He never had anyone to love, never had no one to care
He always seemed kinda sad to me and I asked him why that was
And he told me it's because in my contract there's this clause

Chorus:
That says, "It's my job to be worried half to death
And that's the thing people respect in me
It's my job but without it I'd be less
Than what I expect from me."

Now I've been lazy most all my life writin' songs and sleepin' late
And any manual labor I've done was purely by mistake
If street sweepers can smile then I've got no right to feel upset
But sometimes I still forget
'Til the lights go on and the stage is set
And the song hits home and you feel that sweat

Chorus:
It's my job to be different than the rest
And that's enough reason to go for me
It's my job to be better than the rest
And that's a rough break for me

Chorus:
It's my job to be cleaning up this mess
And that's enough reason to go for me
It's my job to be better than the rest
And that makes the day for me


**I saw the guy from verse one this morning. He was on Marietta Square dealing with the public trash cans in the rain. And whistling- **

defend yourself
Posted on 2009.10.16 at 08:08
Current Mood: amusedamused
A moment of pride and arrogance here:
"I saw your work. The detail is amazing- really nice stuff. This means you can make your own curtains, right?"

That's like saying to Georgia O'Keefe "I bet you could do a nice job painting your toenails."

People say the most irrelevant things.....

defend yourself

sums it up

Posted on 2009.09.24 at 10:15

Sword Brothers

We were strangers come together,
Pursuing each our private aims.
Distrustful of each other
Till our mettle had been tried;
Till we'd fought and bled and sacrificed,
Gave our all and paid the price
To forge in us a unity of pride.

The family we choose
Is thicker than any blood.
You are my sword brother
And I have got your back.
We have marched together, fought together,
Shared our meals and bled together,
And I will stand beside you
Though the hordes of hell attack.

One stick alone breaks easily,
A bundle together is strong.
We cover for each other
To present a solid wall.
And though twas accident of circumstance
That brings us to this warlike stance,
We support each other lest a brother fall.

The family we choose
Is stronger than any blood.
You are my sword brother
And I have got your back.
We have marched together, fought together,
Shared our meals and bled together,
And I will stand beside you
Though the hordes of hell attack.

Where we came from doesn't matter,
We aren't going on alone.
We mix our blood together
And we pledge our loyalty;
Not in oaths of allegiance,
Nor in words of fealty given
But in what I do for you, and you for me.

The family we choose
Is thicker than any blood.
You are my sword brother
And I have got your back.
We have marched together, fought together,
Shared our meals and bled together,
And I will stand beside you
Though the hordes of hell attack.

Yes, I will stand beside you
Though the hordes of hell attack.

by Raymond the Scot, Red Sword Company and Shire of Owl's Nest bard- Poet Lauriate, Meridies 2007


None of my fam have inquired or even given a thumbs up on Face book. I wonder if I'm being unreasonable in thinking that they should have. Thank God for yous

defend yourself
Posted on 2009.09.11 at 09:56
misses all my best friends terribly


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